yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
