The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
