i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
