YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
