Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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