Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My breasts were aching with rage.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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