If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
