His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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