Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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