I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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