As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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