he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I need to calm my uterus...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
