there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
