i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
