I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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