I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
