I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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