i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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