just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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