Who wears a wallet chain?!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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