You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
