Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
