i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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