is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
