i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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