Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
