i barfeds in our rink
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
