Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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