PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize