i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
