No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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