How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
