theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
