I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
