Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
