They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
