Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
