i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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