Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
