Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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