I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
