She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
