the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
