So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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