If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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