That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
