I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
