I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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