I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize