he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I love having hate sex.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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