it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
