it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
