I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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