i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize