so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
