I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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