i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Randomize
