Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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