the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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