you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i think my cat just said my name.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
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