just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
