You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
