I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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