Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
