remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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