he wants to bone in the snuggie
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I would ride that face into the sunset
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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